Most mornings Caleb comes downstairs at 7, finds me on the couch as I finish up my time with the Lord, and climbs on my lap. He will sit and snuggle for as long as possible, soaking in the time with Mom. He looks up at me, gazing into my face, gives me hugs and kisses and gets his fill for the day. Then he goes off and is in constant motion for the rest of the day, on grand adventures or designing new inventions like his anti-gravity machine.
As I was praying this morning, I really got the sense that this is exactly what God wants me to do with Him in the mornings, to sit in His lap, rest in His embrace and get the charge I need to go out and do the tasks He has called me to do for the day.
I was brought yet again to the account of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. Martha was distracted by serving. I can get so distracted by serving or more often, by daily tasks that overtake my focus. (Or like now, by the preparations to begin homeschooling next week.) Mary chose to sit at Jesus feet and hear His Word. She chose the one thing that was needed. May I do the same.
Jesus, here I am. I want to sit in Your lap this morning. Refresh me. Holy Spirit, come. Give me a sense of who I am in You, a sense of being loved. Fill me with a sense of security, a confidence that it is all in Your hands, I just need to continue to abide with You, following where You lead.
Amen.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Relationships Are Worth It
The Lord has really been revealing Himself to me this weekend, especially with the big change in our home as of yesterday. My step-son, his wife and their baby lived with us for 10 1/2 months and just got in a moving van and are heading for college in the mid-west. I am not going to lie and say that it has been easy sharing a small house with three extra people, but it has been really good.
He is teaching me that relationships are worth it. They are worth the work and the lack of control they bring into your life. When you are engaging with others, it won't always turn out the way you expected. I am learning that is okay, actually I am finding that when I leave things in God's hands, they turn out better than if I had orchestrated the situation on my own. God works out the details. By not being intentional or putting in the effort (or because I am uncomfortable or don't want to risk "rejection") I often don't make the attempt to connect with others as much as I could.
Lord, help me in this area. I want to take more risks for the sake of relationships. Keep shifting my perspective back in line with Yours, Lord I want to love people like you do, not as Heidi finds easiest. Move in me.
He is teaching me that relationships are worth it. They are worth the work and the lack of control they bring into your life. When you are engaging with others, it won't always turn out the way you expected. I am learning that is okay, actually I am finding that when I leave things in God's hands, they turn out better than if I had orchestrated the situation on my own. God works out the details. By not being intentional or putting in the effort (or because I am uncomfortable or don't want to risk "rejection") I often don't make the attempt to connect with others as much as I could.
Lord, help me in this area. I want to take more risks for the sake of relationships. Keep shifting my perspective back in line with Yours, Lord I want to love people like you do, not as Heidi finds easiest. Move in me.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I Decided to Come Back to Blogging
It has been a year since I last blogged. Summer seems to be the time when I actually have enough extra time to consider blogging. Here I am again deciding to give it another try.
In my morning quiet times I write my prayers in a journal. If I don't I can't seem to stay focused, and I also like being able to go back and reread them as an encouragement. Recently I have been going back through them and compiling the times when God intervened in our lives, when we felt Him speak to us, or when someone else felt God speaking to them for us. I have really been enjoying going back through these notebooks. There is so much good stuff there. It is also really helpful to see how far we have come in even just the last two years (I am currently rereading in 2007).
This morning I found this entry in my journal:
Pray, Praise & Pause before Him
not Perform
Pray that you may be one with Him
Praise who He is - focus ablsolutely on Him,
not on your circumstances
Praise and the chains will be broken
Pause and soak in His presence - allow Him to bring you
back into intimate fellowship with Him.
It kind of goes along with the Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest) devotion for today regarding 'His Purposes or Ours?'
Here is the text of that devotion:
We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.
What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea" ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.
God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.
God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.
In my morning quiet times I write my prayers in a journal. If I don't I can't seem to stay focused, and I also like being able to go back and reread them as an encouragement. Recently I have been going back through them and compiling the times when God intervened in our lives, when we felt Him speak to us, or when someone else felt God speaking to them for us. I have really been enjoying going back through these notebooks. There is so much good stuff there. It is also really helpful to see how far we have come in even just the last two years (I am currently rereading in 2007).
This morning I found this entry in my journal:
Pray, Praise & Pause before Him
not Perform
Pray that you may be one with Him
Praise who He is - focus ablsolutely on Him,
not on your circumstances
Praise and the chains will be broken
Pause and soak in His presence - allow Him to bring you
back into intimate fellowship with Him.
It kind of goes along with the Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest) devotion for today regarding 'His Purposes or Ours?'
Here is the text of that devotion:
We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.
What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea" ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.
God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.
God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.
This is where Vince and I are at right now, living in the moment connected to Him. We feel that He has called us to do something new. We feel that He has confirmed a name for that work, the Prodigal Church. We sense that we will be working mostly with people who have been hurt by the church or who are unlikely candidates for fitting in to the current church model. We desire to love on people, BEING church more than DOING church. But other than that, we don't know much. Our desire is to follow Him each day, going where He leads. This devotion confirmed for me that we are indeed going in the right direction- taking steps as He illuminates them, not worried about what the future will look like.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Perfection, Accomplishment, or Faithfulness?
As I’ve been reading Calm My Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow, I have been struck by the question “What does God ask of me?” to which I have had to ask myself “What have I been asking of myself?” God asks for faithfulness. “Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.” (1 Cor 4:2) If I am honest with myself, what I have been asking of myself is mostly accomplishment, and often perfection. But this is not what God desires of me. He desires for me to be faithful to what He has given me.
What role has He placed me in? Wife, mother, teacher, keeper of the home, hostess, mentor, daughter, friend. Am I being faithful? What is faithful? Firmly and devotedly supportive or worthy of trust or belief, is what Webster’s says. Who am I to be devotedly supportive to? God. Who is supposed to be able to trust me? Everyone around me.
Jesus came to the earth not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as ransom for many (Matthew 20:28). He has asked us to do the same. God measuring stick is not success, but faithfulness in giving our lives over to Him, to serve Him by serving others and thereby bringing glory to Him.
Lord, I pray that you would continue to move me towards being a faithful, contented servant. I am so blessed by where You have me. Thank you for the many roles that You have given me. I desire to be faithful to You by serving all those that You have placed in my life. Continue to decrease my selfish nature and increase Your selfless nature in my life, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
What role has He placed me in? Wife, mother, teacher, keeper of the home, hostess, mentor, daughter, friend. Am I being faithful? What is faithful? Firmly and devotedly supportive or worthy of trust or belief, is what Webster’s says. Who am I to be devotedly supportive to? God. Who is supposed to be able to trust me? Everyone around me.
Jesus came to the earth not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as ransom for many (Matthew 20:28). He has asked us to do the same. God measuring stick is not success, but faithfulness in giving our lives over to Him, to serve Him by serving others and thereby bringing glory to Him.
Lord, I pray that you would continue to move me towards being a faithful, contented servant. I am so blessed by where You have me. Thank you for the many roles that You have given me. I desire to be faithful to You by serving all those that You have placed in my life. Continue to decrease my selfish nature and increase Your selfless nature in my life, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Thanking God For Difficulty
This morning I read today’s devotion in My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers and was moved to a new appreciation for the trials in my life and God who ordains them (or at the very least, allows them for His purposes). Chambers points out that in testing us, God is not shielding us from the requirements of sonship and that He is bringing “many sons to glory” (Hebrews 2:10). By God’s grace, He “produces men and women with a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ, not pampered, spoiled weaklings.” (See Sidebar for a link to an online version of My Utmost devotions.)
I am thankful that God has given me many hard things because I know that the person I am now is a result of my journey through these trials. Thank you, God that you have made me who I am. I have had to employ bravery, courage and holiness through difficulty. I have had to put into practice what God has placed in me, obeying the Holy Spirit and living out my faith in my daily life. I have felt at times that I have been tested for all that I was worth. By God’s grace may it be that He has produced a woman with a strong family likeness to Jesus.
Thank you Jesus that the difficulty you provide does not make us faint or cave in- it stirs us to overcome. Thank you that you have reminded me that it is always necessary for us to make an effort to live a life of worth and excellence. You are good. Thank you, Jesus that you are bringing me to glory. May I continue to see trials and struggles as an opportunity to be more like You.
I am thankful that God has given me many hard things because I know that the person I am now is a result of my journey through these trials. Thank you, God that you have made me who I am. I have had to employ bravery, courage and holiness through difficulty. I have had to put into practice what God has placed in me, obeying the Holy Spirit and living out my faith in my daily life. I have felt at times that I have been tested for all that I was worth. By God’s grace may it be that He has produced a woman with a strong family likeness to Jesus.
Thank you Jesus that the difficulty you provide does not make us faint or cave in- it stirs us to overcome. Thank you that you have reminded me that it is always necessary for us to make an effort to live a life of worth and excellence. You are good. Thank you, Jesus that you are bringing me to glory. May I continue to see trials and struggles as an opportunity to be more like You.
Monday, June 30, 2008
What's my story?
Sin. Redemption. Joy in the Journey.
Although I would have called myself a Christian growing up, I did not know Jesus. I was brought up in a family that occasionally went to a traditional church. As a teenager I began looking for more of a connection to God, and in the process became more involved in that church. I even became co-leader of the youth group there, and still I had not found what I had been looking for. Then I went to college. It was a time of searching for who I really was and where I belonged. In looking for that feeling of belonging, I became involved in many extreme groups and activities from a 10 day winter backpacking trip to participating in a Gay Pride March on Washington, DC. I was trying out lots of identities to see which one fit. Was I happy? There were moments of happiness, but I still hadn’t found the place of true belonging.
And then Vince (my husband) came along. What an unlikely pair we were. He was a man’s man AND a conservative Christian to boot. He drove a big car (Remember the ’81 Oldsmobile Cutlass?) and held a State record for the bench press. But God knew what each of us needed, and He orchestrated our meeting. I wasn’t following Him at this point, and Vince was trying, but he didn’t really have anyone showing him the way. As a result, there were many things that we did not do right. Thankfully, our God is a God of grace and mercy. We fell in love and were married a year after we met. The process of God drawing me to Him was a gradual one. You may have heard someone say that God is a gentleman; He won’t force you into anything. That is how I felt. For two years, He gently led me to a place where I could see, through several individuals, that all Christians were not hateful and judgmental. In fact, I saw many examples of loving, intelligent and caring Christians. Gradually, my thinking was shifting. Maybe there was something to a closer relationship with Jesus. Wasn’t I already a Christian? Was there more to a relationship with God than I already had? Was I ready to humble myself and admit my pride and recognize that indeed, I was in need of a Savior? And so I prayed, asking for His grace, submitting my will to Him and expressing my desire to know Him more. There was an immediate change in my life. I had more peace. The Bible, which up to this point I had really struggled to makes sense of, now brought understanding instead of confusion. I began to read the Bible in earnest. And I felt that I had finally found the place where I belonged: in relationship with a loving, merciful, all powerful, yet intimate God.The journey hasn’t always been easy, and yet He has been there through every part of it. And after all the trials and testings, I am at a place of having joy in the journey, no matter what that journey looks like. I love to spend time talking to my Daddy, sitting with Him, singing to Him, praying to Him, reading His Word, and hearing from Him. Sure there is still some stress day to day, but I have full confidence in His plan for my life and the life of those around me. I have far more peace than I have ever had before. I am able to turn situations over to Him much more quickly now and to leave it in His loving hands. And now I have the joy of leading others to this place. Thank you, Lord, for your grace.
Although I would have called myself a Christian growing up, I did not know Jesus. I was brought up in a family that occasionally went to a traditional church. As a teenager I began looking for more of a connection to God, and in the process became more involved in that church. I even became co-leader of the youth group there, and still I had not found what I had been looking for. Then I went to college. It was a time of searching for who I really was and where I belonged. In looking for that feeling of belonging, I became involved in many extreme groups and activities from a 10 day winter backpacking trip to participating in a Gay Pride March on Washington, DC. I was trying out lots of identities to see which one fit. Was I happy? There were moments of happiness, but I still hadn’t found the place of true belonging.
And then Vince (my husband) came along. What an unlikely pair we were. He was a man’s man AND a conservative Christian to boot. He drove a big car (Remember the ’81 Oldsmobile Cutlass?) and held a State record for the bench press. But God knew what each of us needed, and He orchestrated our meeting. I wasn’t following Him at this point, and Vince was trying, but he didn’t really have anyone showing him the way. As a result, there were many things that we did not do right. Thankfully, our God is a God of grace and mercy. We fell in love and were married a year after we met. The process of God drawing me to Him was a gradual one. You may have heard someone say that God is a gentleman; He won’t force you into anything. That is how I felt. For two years, He gently led me to a place where I could see, through several individuals, that all Christians were not hateful and judgmental. In fact, I saw many examples of loving, intelligent and caring Christians. Gradually, my thinking was shifting. Maybe there was something to a closer relationship with Jesus. Wasn’t I already a Christian? Was there more to a relationship with God than I already had? Was I ready to humble myself and admit my pride and recognize that indeed, I was in need of a Savior? And so I prayed, asking for His grace, submitting my will to Him and expressing my desire to know Him more. There was an immediate change in my life. I had more peace. The Bible, which up to this point I had really struggled to makes sense of, now brought understanding instead of confusion. I began to read the Bible in earnest. And I felt that I had finally found the place where I belonged: in relationship with a loving, merciful, all powerful, yet intimate God.The journey hasn’t always been easy, and yet He has been there through every part of it. And after all the trials and testings, I am at a place of having joy in the journey, no matter what that journey looks like. I love to spend time talking to my Daddy, sitting with Him, singing to Him, praying to Him, reading His Word, and hearing from Him. Sure there is still some stress day to day, but I have full confidence in His plan for my life and the life of those around me. I have far more peace than I have ever had before. I am able to turn situations over to Him much more quickly now and to leave it in His loving hands. And now I have the joy of leading others to this place. Thank you, Lord, for your grace.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Why Did I Choose This Blog Title?
This scripture is one of my top 3 favorites. (See sidebar for the 2 others.) I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on this scripture. In fact, I have made several artistic attempts at representing these scriptures on paper. Perhaps I will finish one and add the photo later.
I desire to be like this tree, planted near the life giving waters of the Lord. I desire to send out my roots by the stream; to get all that I need from Him, not relying on my own strength and abilities. I desire to continually be in His presence, seeking His face and meditating on His word. I desire to trust Him for everything. He has shown me over and over that I CAN trust Him. As I have endured droughts over the years, I have been able to se that I have had nothing to worry about, that as long as I am drawing everything from Him, I will continue to bear fruit for Him.
Psalm 1 speaks of this tree as well. This tree is like a man whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. I am not (nor will I ever be) perfect at this, but I have made great strides in meeting with my Lord most mornings. Oh, how I love these times! Times with the Bible, pen and paper and Him. How sweet is this communion. Thank you, Jesus, that you have made this possible.
I desire to be like this tree, planted near the life giving waters of the Lord. I desire to send out my roots by the stream; to get all that I need from Him, not relying on my own strength and abilities. I desire to continually be in His presence, seeking His face and meditating on His word. I desire to trust Him for everything. He has shown me over and over that I CAN trust Him. As I have endured droughts over the years, I have been able to se that I have had nothing to worry about, that as long as I am drawing everything from Him, I will continue to bear fruit for Him.
Psalm 1 speaks of this tree as well. This tree is like a man whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. I am not (nor will I ever be) perfect at this, but I have made great strides in meeting with my Lord most mornings. Oh, how I love these times! Times with the Bible, pen and paper and Him. How sweet is this communion. Thank you, Jesus, that you have made this possible.
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